Can you tell me what my mistakes are in writing?

A boy's hands supported his head as a teacher droned a lecture.


';Even for the best of us, fire is hard to control...'; the teacher announced.


The student's bored look dissolved his handsome face. He was sweating from the heat that came in from the outside and through the classroom window. Not that there really was a window -- it was just an opening through the wooden wall. Stan observed those that passed by that window, even though it was rare to see a person -- women carried baskets, children played, men worked, students changed classes... and perhaps every once in a while, a stoic magician passed.


The sun shone brightly outside the windows in the clear sky.


I feel so confined here. Thought Stan


';Stan,'; the teacher said, ';What's interesting out there?';


The class giggled.


';Nothing, sir,'; Stan said.


';Fine,'; and the teacher continued the lecture with his drooping, long robe following wherever he went.


Stan looked to his left to see a student about his age engaged in the lecture. It was obvious the other student was ignoring Stan.


How stupid can Stan get? thought that student. He fixed the black hair that covered his left eye.


How dull can Sane get? thought Stan.


Throughout the class, some students looked back at Stan and giggled to amuse themselves. Although Stan tried to act unembarrassed, he could not hide his shame.Can you tell me what my mistakes are in writing?
You jump from describing the boy to calling him ';Stan';. We don't know that Stan is the boy, you need to clarify.





Isn't a window just an opening in a wall? You might want to take that sentence out.





Try to be a bit more subtle. Instead of outright stating ';I feel so confined here';, which most people wouldn't actually think in their minds, have him think something that carries the implication of him feeling like that. It's more realistic and makes the reader think more.





I like how you compare both student's thoughts, however be certain that you write the whole story like that. At the moment it's like you're doing third person in Stan's POV, then third person omniscient to include Sane.





When you add description, like the teacher's robe, make sure that it contributes something to the story. It could be telling something about the setting, about the characters, or about what will happen in the plot; But don't just describe things for the sake of it. That gets tiresome. So, if you wanted to describe something about the teacher, make it something that would tell the reader information about his personality or habits.