Tuesday, August 10, 2010

All this education, and my deepest desire is to be a homemaker..?

I could use some advice - from men or women. I am sorry if this is long, but I appreciate your honest/thoughtful opinions (but please- no rude unnecessary insults).





I am the daughter of a cut-throat business woman. I am hard working and went to some great schools and got my Master's in Engineering with top honors. I am proud of the hard work I put into my degrees, but I would have been satisifed with just the Bachelor's, but I let my Mom convince me I would fail at life without the Master's (stupid I know).





The bottom line is-my deepest desire is to be a stay at home wife/mom. I love everything domestic- from grocery shopping, coupon clipping, making meals from scratch, home repairs, crafts, sewing, preserving- I could go on and on. I am actually really good at these things and completely enjoy it.





I feel so unsatisfied and exhausted at work- I feel like I constantly have to be ';one of the guys'; in a male dominated firm- like I have to play down my femininity (no this isn't in my head- I have even heard my coworkers talk behind my back about ';having my period'; and ';oh Lynn will probably have a breakdown and cry in the bathroom after the big meeting because she is a woman';). I work constantly- not because I have to, but because I need to keep up with the boys club. Even now as I write this on my lunchbreak I am just constantly looking over my shoulder, terrified someone will find me out and announce,'; Lynn is a wannabe Betty Crocker- get rid of her';.





When I had cancer, I worked right through chemo (not fun). I put my health last because work would constantly make little comments to me about how I was falling behind (they even sent me assignments to the hospital- and no not because I asked).





Although my husband always praises me at how great I am at keeping up the home, how I make the great meals, and keep the house up - I have not told him my desires to be a stay at home wife and hopefully mom. This makes me feel even more guilty- because I love him and share everything with him, I feel like I am hiding something. We have a great marriage, he is the love of my life but I feel like I am cheating him by not being truthful about how exhausted I am at work and how much I love taking care of him and the home instead.





Whenever I get the courage to tell him how happy I am at home and how I can't see myself having a child and dropping it off to daycare (we decided we want to try and have a baby)- I hear my Mom's voice in my head about how housewives are esentially lazy and without a career I am nothing.





Does anyone else out there have this dilemma? Am I crazy?





Thanks in advanceAll this education, and my deepest desire is to be a homemaker..?
i was a house wife for 15 years its not as wonderful as you think it is ..i promiseAll this education, and my deepest desire is to be a homemaker..?
LOL Emma's answer!





I started working at 12..babysitting. I call it working because as soon as I had money, my dad made me pay for everything on my own, from shoes to yearbook. I worked until I had my second child. Then I was blessed to stay home.





2 things.





First, I think that one of the hardest things about marriage is that you can't make important decisions alone. You (if you want your marriage to suceed) have to come to a mutual decision on everything, even if that means one person gives in, which it usually does.





I say, TELL your husband you are staying home with the baby. Ask if you NEED both incomes, because let's be honest, that is the only DEFINING detail. If you can afford it, stay home. Don't let your husband say you must go to work if you can afford to stay home. What else could be more important.





Don't hesitate to sway him with facts on how little educational goes on in daycare...believe me, I worked at a high end one and while they had computers for the kids, daily schedules of mind-spurring games...it was basically just a bunch of fat grownups sitting around complaining about how the parents sucked or how mean the kids were.





Tell him that there is ALWAYS someone sick at daycare. That is the truth, believe me. They ALL have rules that say if a child has a fever or is throwing up or has a rash..they can't be there. Well guess what? Mom gives the kid tylenol to mask the fever and drags her sick kid into daycare because she HAS to go to work.





I could go on and on.





Second...While I am telling you it's important to decide this BEFORE you get preg..as your husband may succumb to the pressure you put on him...it's better that you come to the decision before. You can see that.





But I say once you have told him all this, shown him the sick kids with their runny noses and the HUGE women that work in daycare (yeah, they are running after your child), and tell him the cost of daycare....THEN HAVE A BABY in his arms, he won't want some group of strangers caring for your child.
If you can afford it, maybe you could just work part time. Or get a job where you can work from home so you can still do all the homemaker things you want to do.
Let him know. This is something you guys should talk out and come to an agreement on. Worst case scenario is that you two both determine it's not feasible.
This nearly made me cry :( I totally sympathize, deep down I have always wanted to be the June Cleaver in pearls that keeps the perfect home, cooks wonderful meals, and takes care of her husband. I am recently laid off and getting unemployment, and it is a world of difference being at home. I no longer resent cooking or cleaning the house, in fact look at it as a rewarding and fulfilling day. I am eager to try new recipes and am proud of how the house looks now that I have the energy to take care of it. When I was working, I'd dread coming home because I felt like all the drudgery was waiting for me and I was just too damned exhausted to do it. I'd be snappish to my husband and resent having to make dinner...I was just plain miserable, and hated evenings because there was no time to relax. I'd fall asleep in utter exhaustion instead of peaceful contentment, knowing I had another long day at work ahead, with no time to enjoy my home and husband. I dread going back to work in just under a year, please try and do what you can to make your dream a reality. Even cutting your hours or working part time. Life is too short to be unhappy in our careers, family and quality time is what makes us healthy and happy.
Y R u keep posting the same question over AND OVER again . ur A WOMEN ITS NATURAL TO FEEL THIS WAY . THEN STAY AT HOME THEN Y R u making the woRLD DECIDE 4 U
I think you actually have it pretty much right on...





I have a college education I worked in the corporate world for 14 years before my sons were born. I never imagined that I'd want to be a stay at home mom. Once my sons were born, I used to lie awake at night trying to figure out a way that I could be home with them. I resigned from my corporate job after returning to work just 2 days following my 12 week maternity leave. My sons just turned 2 last week, and let me tell you, I am SO glad that I made this decision. Although it is financially difficult to be on one income, I wouldn't change being home with my kids for the world. I am now trying to make some income as a freelance writer so that I can remain home with my kids.





I think you need to have a heart to heart talk with your husband about your feelings. If you are lucky enough to become a mom, being at home with your kids while they are young is the best thing that you could ever do for them. The big component is coming to an agreement with your husband and determining if your family can live on one income. Chances are that you can, and you will make some sacrifices to do that. I just couldn't bring myself to leave my babies with someone else all day every day, for a job I really didn't like at the time.





You will make the right decision. Your husband will be on board once that wonderful bundle of joy finally comes...and on a side note, don't care about what others think about taking a break from a career to raise a family--you can always go back to a career later.





Very best of luck to you in your journey (BTW there is a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility that is a must read if you are trying to conceive, my sister lent me her copy.) Passing my good baby karma your way....

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